Yesterday marked 4 months since mom left us for her eternal rest. This past month has been probably the hardest for me as Bev and I celebrated our 20th anniversary in Europe. It was our travels that always brought mom into our minds almost constantly. We have seen so many things and places that we always wished there had been a way for mom to also had been with us as we knew how much she appreciated the history and beauty of the places we visited. This past trip was one filled with visits to so many churches, cathedral's and basilica's which would have just overwhelm mom with their beauty and unique architectures. If she could have attended Holy Mass in The Cathedral Notre Dame de Paris would most definitely had been a earth moving experience for her. Or to have been able to hold the hand of the Black Madonna in Montserrat and prayed would have left mom totally spent for the rest of the day let alone the trip up to and back from the monastery of Montserrat. Mom always enjoyed hearing about these beautiful places and the rich history that exist in them. She was so appreciative that Bev and I traveled and saw these sites and then shared them with her even though she could not have been there herself. And now not to have her to share these moments with have left me with a major void. After returning home came Thanksgiving which again brought about the reality that we will not be sharing this event with her as well or the upcoming holidays. After Carol's passing I thought I understood what emptiness really meant and I was truly an empty being just trying to survive in life. I thought I understood what I needed to do to continue without someone so close to me and who I loved so dearly. However mom was there, even through the miles, to always listen and to softly give moral support. Now, although I still have Bev, that emptiness has once again set in. And this time has also taken Bev along with me. We both have so many times wanted to pick up the phone and call mom to tell her something. We so many times in Europe said "oh mom would have enjoyed this." or "Would mom like this!" and of course then we would realize that we cannot longer even tell her about it. Even in taking pictures of our trip we so often thought "we cannot wait to show mom this." And then again reality would hit us and bring the moment to a somewhat less enjoyable memory. There are so many things that we, all, just took for granted about mom being here. Her smile, sharing moments of the grandchildren, great grandchildren with her or things that were happening in the world, or just talking with her and seeing how she was doing and of course her eyes sparking with her beautiful smile.
Thanksgiving this year, I was especially thankful for having mom for so very long. I will never understand how my children survived without theirs. I will never understand how I will survive without my mother now. For 60+ years she was always there. And for that I will be eternally thankful, Thank you dear Lord for my beautiful mother and the time I was allowed to be with her.
